Do you ever just.. Peel off a layer of yourself, just to see how damaged you are?
Sometimes I wonder why I bother to live on. Guess some part of me believes things will get better.. Though life really just likes to take the dump on me
Why? Does life only take it out on people who are trying so hard to live a happy life? I just want to be happy, for a full month. Maybe a year.
That would be so bloody nice, you know? I had this break coming. I got over someone that was as important as air to me and now, I have to live with my parents thinking I’m a slut.
Just cause I decided to admire myself in that kind of way, for once – Life of course has to fuck me up by my mum catching me in the act.
But hey, at least I know I can rock a cropped top and short shorts.
I’m looking good for no one, other than myself. But whatever. Guess she thinks I’m whoring myself out to guys cause she always claims to know me, which got annoying along the way.
The weirdest thing was; when I actually thought of the person, who left me, comforting me – I felt better. Kinda anyways. They were always like a charm that made me feel better. Something that would grab me and pull me out of the darkness, you know?
But I guess they’re happy where they are now. I shouldn’t just pop back into their life and wreck that. Even now, just thinking of them – I get a bit happy. I’m just glad they were a part of my life.
They were the most important part of my life and I suppose nothing will ever change that. I wish them happiness even if my life gets shittier and shittier by the minute. They deserve a good life and I guess.. I don’t really deserve a good one.. for hurting them…
“You reap what you sow“ I suppose.
Sometimes I don’t want to get close to people because I feel like they wouldn’t like me at all.
I guess it’s a defense mechanism to easily let go of those who left me. If I held on, and kept hoping – I might get hurt again. Experiencing that kind of pain… I can only take it once.