I’m weak. I know this. I try not to let what others think of me get to me, but in the end – it always affects me.
Usually I don’t really care what strangers think cause I won’t really see them again but if it’s a classmate or relative – basically when I know I might see them again; I get scared. I start to overthink.
Rumors spread like wildfire. Gawd knows what will happen if rumors about me starting appearing.
I’m not perfect. Never said I was 100% the ideal human ever, in a serious way. I have my setbacks. I know my weaknesses. Things that make me.. Less desirable.
But. You know what?
I’m going to push myself to be strong. I have to do it, whether I like it or not. I can’t let them break me down. I am who I am. There’s nothing wrong with me. I have to be at peace with myself if not I’ll always be depending on others.
I’m THROUGH with solely depending on people with everything. Even when I want to rant to someone, I hold myself back unless I’m really anxious or angry. I’m slowly but surely stopping that. Baby steps, ya know?
I’ll get there eventually.
On a different note;
I’m not sure about her anymore. Some part of me wants to let things go just cause it’d be weird to reunite after 3 years of not talking. The other wants to try again and make things work.
Can you believe we live so near yet I’ve never seen her? Fate doesn’t want to play nice, I suppose. I could always go out of my way to hang around her area in hopes that I’ll bump into her but.. I don’t like to force anything.
If it’s meant to be, it will be.
Besides, if after all these years and she says she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.. Then I guess, it’s fine. The pain will be there for a while, but it’ll be gone before I know it.
I can and will be stronger than I am now. I’ll be able to take it. I know it. I trust myself to stay strong.
I know I’ll be thinking “then what about the matching necklaces and the Paris trip?”
Go there with someone else! I know you’ll find someone so out of this world that they’ll shake your world.
All the things you planned, doesn’t have to go to waste! And even if it does, think of something new! Be innovative and creative! I know you have so many ideas in that huge head of yours.
And don’t think about finding someone worse or better than her. There’s no such thing as that. You shouldn’t be comparing them to anyone. They’re their own person. Accept them for who they are!
With that being said, have a good day~