Me Vs Me #23

​I have these lil mini convos in my head to pass time. So here’s one;

Losing people in my life…
Me :

Inner Me :

Me :

Inner Me :

Me :

Inner Me :

Me :

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You Fucked Up Twat

Italics is targeted to myself

Then again this whole thing is kinda about me-

(Aye it’s like a pun. I meant for it to be some kind of cut off thing but it is also about me moving one)

Anyways, one picture that will summarise the backstory;

When I think back on it; 

I should never have called her

Never should have asked her to take me back

It was so obvious that she moved on already

Yet I kept thinking “but she might not! Maybe she’s giving me a chance! That’s why she gave me three years to wait for her! I-”

She ignored me and that was plain as day. 

Obviously her mobile number didn’t change so I could tell when I sent that SMS, she probably just swiped that lil notification away

Don’t even know if the e-mail she gave was legit

(Probably)Me In The Future;

Now I know you think you know her better or whatever, but dude. Ask yourself.

Did you really? How about that.. A-girl. She seemed to know more than you ever would

(Probably)Me In The Future;

But hey, I wouldn’t blame her for giving me a fake e-mail 

I fucked up really bad and losing that friendship was probably the cost of it

But what’s done, is DONE.

So to myself, who in the future will probably have some small hope(again);

Quit it. Just dump that waste. You honestly don’t need this in your life. 

If it was meant to be, why are you not with her then?

Exactly.

Now she’s living her life – hopefully happily, and I think you wasted a year and a bit more than that thinking of how you guys would get back together – which newsflash;

Make good use of the rest of your days

– – – – – – – – – –

(Probably)Me In The Future;

[At First]

(Probably)Me In The Future;
[In The End]

Am I Right

Time for another petty complaint about how I suck. I mean cause honestly no one likes victims. Am I right or am I right?

Anyways, if you actually thought this was going to be about me complaining about myself – you damn wrong.

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover blahhh blahh blah. Gawd am I the only one that found that challenge really stupid?

The irony is me doing it but it was all for the sake of demonstration. Kinda anyways. Wanted to see how deep I could go into the hole of stupidity. Turns out I’m almost reaching the end.
Guess it takes someone stupid to know who else is stupid.

And the whole complaining and insulting myself thing? I do that on a daily basis. Why would I make it, quote on quote, “special”

That gif is to myself. So don’t get your panties in a knot.

Why is it me always getting the shit from my parents? I mean my bro gets it too but he’s probably immune to it. I’m probably getting to that stage as well. Keyword; probably.

I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t the one “sick” and it was my sis – he wouldn’t be mad one bit. 

Jee whizz, when my mum called to tell me she would accompany me to the clinic and I was estatic about it cause if things went south – my mum would be there to help out. Which it did go south so thank goodness she was there.

What I didn’t expect to see, was my dad waiting with her. Yay. You could tell, even from a far, he was pissed.

Now what really irked me was that he looked as if he wanted to leave after seeing me write the registeration – which I didn’t actually get to write completely cause he snatched the pen to write almost everything when all I asked was “so do I write my full name or?” Like I just wanted to clairfy cause they had my card so I didn’t see anything wrong with asking. Stupid, I know.

But, of course he didn’t leave and all he did was sit down and complained about me being an ignorant fuckup that can’t do shit right. Which isn’t wrong but hey, I’m at least trying ffs. 

Now the payment wasn’t cheap at Raffles so my dad obviously bursted at me once we walked out. Saying things like polyclinic would have been cheaper and whatnot – which I don’t disagree with. It really might have been cheaper but hey, your child’s sick. They have a throat infection on top of that and all you do is complain about the money? Wowzers. 

I told him I had a throat infection and he literally ignored me. Really mature of a parent. If he didn’t want to be there, he shouldn’t have come. Why bother. If you cared, at least show it. Why you gotta show this tough love bullshit which you don’t show on the last child? A.k.a me being petty. Again.

Oh and let’s get back to the topic on “Money”. So yesterday, I went to church – was really looking forward to go so I could interact and have fun with the nice kids there. But unfortunately my mild headache became a really big one and I started having running nose.

I really had very little stamina to take the bus back home. So I called my dad to tell him how I was feeling. Guess what happened? 

I had to take the bus back. Cause apparently we didn’t have enough cash which I call bullshit on. Literally on the same week, they bought Pizza which costed like $50+ and went out to eat with their friends till late. So like, wth. And they deducted my allowance cause of that? No money? Really? 

Apparently like 20 or 30 minutes later, my mum called whilst I was on the bus. I didn’t see it at first but when I saw the missed call – I said “Fuck it” and didn’t call back. When I got home, she was saying things like they actually wanted me to take a cab home which they would pay for obvs cause I’m just a mere student who’s shitty at savings. 

Later that same day I had no mood to go to this birthday function of some important person which I had no interest in. I was still feeling sick even though I rested a bit and took some medication.

But my mum, oh my mum. She forced me to go to the birthday function claiming she’s giving a lot of money and she wanted to make every penny worth it. I kept saying I couldn’t, but she kept insisting I go. I kid you not, I brought three packets of tissue and by the end of the night I used up all three. I was using it sparingly even though my running nose was getting worse.

Must have been gross for the people sitting next to me, seeing me use tissue after tissue. Don’t blame them for thinking I’m gross, cause hey. I 101% agree with ’em.

Shitting On My Already Miserable Life

Do you ever just.. Peel off a layer of yourself, just to see how damaged you are?

Sometimes I wonder why I bother to live on. Guess some part of me believes things will get better.. Though life really just likes to take the dump on me

Why? Does life only take it out on people who are trying so hard to live a happy life? I just want to be happy, for a full month. Maybe a year. 

That would be so bloody nice, you know? I had this break coming. I got over someone that was as important as air to me and now, I have to live with my parents thinking I’m a slut.

Just cause I decided to admire myself in that kind of way, for once – Life of course has to fuck me up by my mum catching me in the act.

But hey, at least I know I can rock a cropped top and short shorts.

I’m looking good for no one, other than myself. But whatever. Guess she thinks I’m whoring myself out to guys cause she always claims to know me, which got annoying along the way.

The weirdest thing was; when I actually thought of the person, who left me, comforting me – I felt better. Kinda anyways. They were always like a charm that made me feel better. Something that would grab me and pull me out of the darkness, you know?

But I guess they’re happy where they are now. I shouldn’t just pop back into their life and wreck that. Even now, just thinking of them – I get a bit happy. I’m just glad they were a part of my life.

They were the most important part of my life and I suppose nothing will ever change that. I wish them happiness even if my life gets shittier and shittier by the minute. They deserve a good life and I guess.. I don’t really deserve a good one.. for hurting them…

You reap what you sow I suppose. 

Sometimes I don’t want to get close to people because I feel like they wouldn’t like me at all. 

I guess it’s a defense mechanism to easily let go of those who left me. If I held on, and kept hoping – I might get hurt again. Experiencing that kind of pain… I can only take it once. 

Me Vs Me #22

​I have these lil mini convos in my head to pass time. So here’s one;

When people repeatedly say they can’t get over their past and I’m still trying my best to get over mine..

Me :

Inner Me :

“Bitch, please stop. I don’t need any more negativity when I’m trying my best to get over my issues”

As Time Passes, I Don’t

In this post I use images I’ve edited, to tell a story I could never fully express in words alone.

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Distances

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Irreplaceable

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Grounded

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Ecstasy 

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Touch

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Distractions

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Alone

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The Norm

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Cold Heart

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Memories

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Lies

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Delete

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Stages

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Miracle 

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Trash

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Diagnosis

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End

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Coward

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Empty

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False

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Bravado

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Despise

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Die

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Trash

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Changes

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Over You

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My Sins