You Fucked Up Twat

Italics is targeted to myself

Then again this whole thing is kinda about me-

(Aye it’s like a pun. I meant for it to be some kind of cut off thing but it is also about me moving one)

Anyways, one picture that will summarise the backstory;

When I think back on it; 

I should never have called her

Never should have asked her to take me back

It was so obvious that she moved on already

Yet I kept thinking “but she might not! Maybe she’s giving me a chance! That’s why she gave me three years to wait for her! I-”

She ignored me and that was plain as day. 

Obviously her mobile number didn’t change so I could tell when I sent that SMS, she probably just swiped that lil notification away

Don’t even know if the e-mail she gave was legit

(Probably)Me In The Future;

Now I know you think you know her better or whatever, but dude. Ask yourself.

Did you really? How about that.. A-girl. She seemed to know more than you ever would

(Probably)Me In The Future;

But hey, I wouldn’t blame her for giving me a fake e-mail 

I fucked up really bad and losing that friendship was probably the cost of it

But what’s done, is DONE.

So to myself, who in the future will probably have some small hope(again);

Quit it. Just dump that waste. You honestly don’t need this in your life. 

If it was meant to be, why are you not with her then?

Exactly.

Now she’s living her life – hopefully happily, and I think you wasted a year and a bit more than that thinking of how you guys would get back together – which newsflash;

Make good use of the rest of your days

– – – – – – – – – –

(Probably)Me In The Future;

[At First]

(Probably)Me In The Future;
[In The End]

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Shitting On My Already Miserable Life

Do you ever just.. Peel off a layer of yourself, just to see how damaged you are?

Sometimes I wonder why I bother to live on. Guess some part of me believes things will get better.. Though life really just likes to take the dump on me

Why? Does life only take it out on people who are trying so hard to live a happy life? I just want to be happy, for a full month. Maybe a year. 

That would be so bloody nice, you know? I had this break coming. I got over someone that was as important as air to me and now, I have to live with my parents thinking I’m a slut.

Just cause I decided to admire myself in that kind of way, for once – Life of course has to fuck me up by my mum catching me in the act.

But hey, at least I know I can rock a cropped top and short shorts.

I’m looking good for no one, other than myself. But whatever. Guess she thinks I’m whoring myself out to guys cause she always claims to know me, which got annoying along the way.

The weirdest thing was; when I actually thought of the person, who left me, comforting me – I felt better. Kinda anyways. They were always like a charm that made me feel better. Something that would grab me and pull me out of the darkness, you know?

But I guess they’re happy where they are now. I shouldn’t just pop back into their life and wreck that. Even now, just thinking of them – I get a bit happy. I’m just glad they were a part of my life.

They were the most important part of my life and I suppose nothing will ever change that. I wish them happiness even if my life gets shittier and shittier by the minute. They deserve a good life and I guess.. I don’t really deserve a good one.. for hurting them…

You reap what you sow I suppose. 

Sometimes I don’t want to get close to people because I feel like they wouldn’t like me at all. 

I guess it’s a defense mechanism to easily let go of those who left me. If I held on, and kept hoping – I might get hurt again. Experiencing that kind of pain… I can only take it once. 

Set Free

I’m free to wander off

Yet I stay and wait

Many doors are open

But the door to you is closed

I could fly away 

Since there are no strings to hold me back

Yet I continue to wait 

For your door to open

Silly, I know 

But to me,

It’s the most important thing in my life

And I could never do without it

Empty – I Feel

There are times where, out of the blue, I feel empty. It always catches me off guard. I wish I knew why.

There’s a reason for everything, right? Surely, there must be a reason for this.

Sometimes I can’t help but think if it has something to do with you.With you by my side, I never once felt empty. Even if you were with others, I’d feel like you were right by my side.

With you gone, I lost some of my strength. But, that’s not why I want you back. I wouldn’t care if I was still weak when you return.

When you return, I know I’ll be whole again. Thus that’s why I’m waiting. Even if I am a fool,a truly idiotic fool at that, for waiting – I want you in my life again.

We’d laugh and cry again. I was a fool to ask more from you. I was greedy then. But mistakes are made to be learnt from, right?

How I wish I could talk to you sooner. Time flies ever so slowly when you’re not by my side. It’s almost suffocating, really.

I’m aware I have so many amazing people in my life but honestly, I feel like I don’t deserve them. I feel like I don’t deserve any of them. Not even you.

You’re not like me, I know that. But I’ve never been good at reading you. Whereas, you always knew what was going on with me. Sometimes I wonder if you left because I was too troublesome.

Would you return if I became less of who I am and more of what you want me to be? If it’s like that, I truly wouldn’t know what to do.

I don’t ever know what to do. Is this why I feel empty?

I’m a fool, aren’t I? Tell me, I am. I can’t move on properly. You want me to do that, right? But I can’t.

Make me hate you, please. I’m begging. I don’t want to feel empty for three lonesome years.

I’ll never understand..

Sometimes we don’t really have a choice for who we fall for. It may come of as a shock when you realise you’ve fallen hard for that person

Sometimes that can be a good thing.

For me, however, it was a bad thing.

To solely focus all my love on one person wasn’t my best decision. That’s because when they left due to the problems I caused,

I was blaming myself continuously.

I was thinking that I was a joke

I didn’t want anyone but them

But I still want them

Up to now, I’ve never understood it. I question myself over and over again but I never find the answer I want.

Rouge H.