Having an obsession..

Most people say being obsessed isn’t good. I’m not saying I disagree with it but I don’t exactly agree either. 

Having something that gives you a reason to smile.. How bad can that be? Be it a person or an object; – sometimes I just think it’s okay, to some extent. 

When I think about it.. Maybe it’s a good thing my obsession for something doesn’t last long. I get too into it and some of my mannerisms are similar to the person I showed an interest in. Though this mostly happens with fictional characters and TV characters. 

Of course, in reality it’s different. 

I’m not saying I copied the behaviours of my crushes. I’m just saying there used to be something that got me all excited and made my day brighter. 

Now? That’s just gone. 

Maybe it’s cause I haven’t found a new crush yet. But somehow.. Something’s telling me I probably won’t get as excited as before. Humans are still humans after all. We all have shitty parts of ours. Some more awful than others – maybe cause of certain circumstances or whatever..

But what I’m trying to say is that when it comes to fictional characters, you know them in and out. As much as the author would allow anyways. You learn about them faster and in an easier way. Hence why, I guess most people like fictional characters easily. 

 Oh my, we’re drifting away from the topic. 

My point is, I’m kinda upset my obsession with a character doesn’t last long. Maybe not just the characters but also music or almost anything. Music for example; I like it for a day or two – a couple of weeks max. But then the spark’s gone. I don’t feel like listening to it until I’ve gotten the tune out of my head and forgotten about it. Though once in a while I will listen to it when I’ve remembered it after a long time. But even then, I’ll just listen to it for less than 20 mins before I get bored of it again.

It might be silly of me to compare that to being in a relationship with someone but I guess I can’t help but wonder..

I just hope I don’t lose interest in the person I’m seeing – if I ever do get in a relationship.
On a side note; I have a new character I like;

Please welcome… Namsoo Oppaaaaa~

He’s crazy passionate about the person he has an interest in. He would do anything for them. Always asking if they need help. 

This guy… 

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Bias Much?

Prepare for a short rant..

Oh my gaaawddd, where do I even begin?

So they just finished scolding my bro for stealing a $50 voucher. The whole time my mum was so sympathetic but my dad was having none of it. But like, bitch. If that were me?

Bitch, when I made a mistake, you were always up my ass and saying all the shit thing about how better it would be if I died. Bitch, you hate me so much and if you say our relationship got better cause ya broke ya damn leg, that’s true. But you should have broke it multiple times btw. You were so sickeningly sweet it was a bit disgusting but it was a nice change since you depended on me a little. 

But yes, our relationship did get better – still doesn’t change the fact you hate me the most. It’s hilarious how you were there saying to my bro, “I have high hopes for you! I gave you to God! I know you have a calling”. Bitch, you know you wrong. You know my bro ain’t going anywhere YOU want him to go. Just accept it. You somehow “magically” knew I was a rotten shit and would “always” be a rotten shit. 

Hence why if I was in my bro’s place, it would have gotten a lot worse. I probably would have booked it and asked a friend to let me stay over. Or just roam the streets like any normal person that wants to get the fuck away from their abnormal family.

Honestly, if it were me getting the scolding, I would get 0 sympathy from that bias bitch. Why she wants to believe in someone not worth believing in, is beyond me. Maybe she just hates daughters. Maybe? I’m not sure, it’s just a theory at this point. 

Oh well, I’m just looking forward to how I can either die to escape this bias asshole or just live somewhere else. I mean what else can I do? 

Oh, and if she sees this, knew it was written by me – my gawd she would definitely start saying I should die or just fling my clothes outside the door, telling me to whore myself out like the slut I am. If she thought my bro wrote this, she’ll probably coax him and tell him to talk out his issues.

Goals

I aspire to have this kind of relationship with someone;

We’re probably trying to bullshit our way through something..

Me : 

Signalling : “I’m confused”

Them :

Signalling : “just go with the flow. We’ll bullshit our way through this entire thing and they won’t even know we’re faking it”

Touch & Go

A really funny story happened.. Well, okay it wasn’t so funny, it was actually really serious and even now, I can’t believe it happened. 

To summarise it, I got dumped for hanging out with someone that ONE person in my group disliked.

Names first: Jesse, Dan, Phil and Tyler

Okay, now here’s how it happened;

Yesterday I had a blast with Jesse. We haven’t met up in so long so we decided to meet yesterday. She also took some vids to post to Insta – which Phil followed(this is important)

Now today, I come to school and Phil suddenly ignores me. Doesn’t tell me why either. Goes as far as to leave me behind and not even wait for me. Lo and behold, Tyler was with him the whole way. 

So I didn’t know what was up, don’t even know why I bothered to catch up. Probably shouldn’t have cause even my instincts were like “don’t follow”

So while Phil was ordering food, I ask Tyler if he’s mad with me. To which he says “yea, cause you hung out with Jesse”. Now I was pissed cause he didn’t tell me that he had a problem and just chose to ignore me. All I knew was that he was neutral with Jesse and I was cool with that. Fuck, I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

You Fucked Up Twat

Italics is targeted to myself

Then again this whole thing is kinda about me-

(Aye it’s like a pun. I meant for it to be some kind of cut off thing but it is also about me moving on)

Anyways, one picture that will summarise the backstory;

When I think back on it; 

I should never have called her

Never should have asked her to take me back

It was so obvious that she moved on already

Yet I kept thinking “but she might not! Maybe she’s giving me a chance! That’s why she gave me three years to wait for her! I-”

She ignored me and that was plain as day. 

Obviously her mobile number didn’t change so I could tell when I sent that SMS, she probably just swiped that lil notification away

Don’t even know if the e-mail she gave was legit

(Probably)Me In The Future;

Now I know you think you know her better or whatever, but dude. Ask yourself.

Did you really? How about that.. A-girl. She seemed to know more than you ever would

(Probably)Me In The Future;

But hey, I wouldn’t blame her for giving me a fake e-mail 

I fucked up really bad and losing that friendship was probably the cost of it

But what’s done, is DONE.

So to myself, who in the future will probably have some small hope(again);

Quit it. Just dump that waste. You honestly don’t need this in your life. 

If it was meant to be, why are you not with her then?

Exactly.

Now she’s living her life – hopefully happily, and I think you wasted a year and a bit more than that thinking of how you guys would get back together – which newsflash;

Make good use of the rest of your days

– – – – – – – – – –

(Probably)Me In The Future;

[At First]

(Probably)Me In The Future;
[In The End]

Am I Right

Time for another petty complaint about how I suck. I mean cause honestly no one likes victims. Am I right or am I right?

Anyways, if you actually thought this was going to be about me complaining about myself – you damn wrong.

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover blahhh blahh blah. Gawd am I the only one that found that challenge really stupid?

The irony is me doing it but it was all for the sake of demonstration. Kinda anyways. Wanted to see how deep I could go into the hole of stupidity. Turns out I’m almost reaching the end.
Guess it takes someone stupid to know who else is stupid.

And the whole complaining and insulting myself thing? I do that on a daily basis. Why would I make it, quote on quote, “special”

That gif is to myself. So don’t get your panties in a knot.

Why is it me always getting the shit from my parents? I mean my bro gets it too but he’s probably immune to it. I’m probably getting to that stage as well. Keyword; probably.

I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t the one “sick” and it was my sis – he wouldn’t be mad one bit. 

Jee whizz, when my mum called to tell me she would accompany me to the clinic and I was estatic about it cause if things went south – my mum would be there to help out. Which it did go south so thank goodness she was there.

What I didn’t expect to see, was my dad waiting with her. Yay. You could tell, even from a far, he was pissed.

Now what really irked me was that he looked as if he wanted to leave after seeing me write the registeration – which I didn’t actually get to write completely cause he snatched the pen to write almost everything when all I asked was “so do I write my full name or?” Like I just wanted to clairfy cause they had my card so I didn’t see anything wrong with asking. Stupid, I know.

But, of course he didn’t leave and all he did was sit down and complained about me being an ignorant fuckup that can’t do shit right. Which isn’t wrong but hey, I’m at least trying ffs. 

Now the payment wasn’t cheap at Raffles so my dad obviously bursted at me once we walked out. Saying things like polyclinic would have been cheaper and whatnot – which I don’t disagree with. It really might have been cheaper but hey, your child’s sick. They have a throat infection on top of that and all you do is complain about the money? Wowzers. 

I told him I had a throat infection and he literally ignored me. Really mature of a parent. If he didn’t want to be there, he shouldn’t have come. Why bother. If you cared, at least show it. Why you gotta show this tough love bullshit which you don’t show on the last child? A.k.a me being petty. Again.

Oh and let’s get back to the topic on “Money”. So yesterday, I went to church – was really looking forward to go so I could interact and have fun with the nice kids there. But unfortunately my mild headache became a really big one and I started having running nose.

I really had very little stamina to take the bus back home. So I called my dad to tell him how I was feeling. Guess what happened? 

I had to take the bus back. Cause apparently we didn’t have enough cash which I call bullshit on. Literally on the same week, they bought Pizza which costed like $50+ and went out to eat with their friends till late. So like, wth. And they deducted my allowance cause of that? No money? Really? 

Apparently like 20 or 30 minutes later, my mum called whilst I was on the bus. I didn’t see it at first but when I saw the missed call – I said “Fuck it” and didn’t call back. When I got home, she was saying things like they actually wanted me to take a cab home which they would pay for obvs cause I’m just a mere student who’s shitty at savings. 

Later that same day I had no mood to go to this birthday function of some important person which I had no interest in. I was still feeling sick even though I rested a bit and took some medication.

But my mum, oh my mum. She forced me to go to the birthday function claiming she’s giving a lot of money and she wanted to make every penny worth it. I kept saying I couldn’t, but she kept insisting I go. I kid you not, I brought three packets of tissue and by the end of the night I used up all three. I was using it sparingly even though my running nose was getting worse.

Must have been gross for the people sitting next to me, seeing me use tissue after tissue. Don’t blame them for thinking I’m gross, cause hey. I 101% agree with ’em.